Six summers ago my husband and I welcomed our first baby into our home. As all first-time parents we juggled awkwardly new responsibilities and stresses, desperately trying to create a new normal. Days and nights ran together as endless feedings, crying spells, and diaper changings. That sweet baby boy put us through a ruthless hazing. I found encouragement in the company of other first-time mothers. We compared notes and commiserated together. While what we were experiencing was the hardest thing we had ever done, I took comfort in the fact that it was normal.
However, as our son Calder grew, I began to suspect maybe he wasn't normal. Comparing notes with other mothers became increasingly uncomfortable for me as Calder advanced rapidly past developmental milestones and assumed obsessions incongruous with his age. Emerging from infancy, he exhibited an exemplary memory, an uncommon level of patience, and an amazing affinity for numbers. His father and I marveled at his abilities and felt grateful that Calder seemed to have "a good head on his shoulders." But it wasn't until he was four that I sat at the computer and read on the Internet about parents like me with children like him and realized with tears running down my face and my heart racing that Calder may be highly gifted. I was terrified.
Between that moment and now as I type this first post on Georgia's Gifted Child, I have read hither and yonder on the Internet about gifted children and their education. I have exhausted my options and resources near our home. I've discovered that having a gifted child is a delicate matter, not easily talked about, accepted, or believed. I've been frustrated. Scared. Hopeful. Confused. Calder is such a wonderful and beautiful blessing--but talk about a challenge!
A few weeks ago I sat on a sofa across from a professional whom I sought advice on what had become in my mind the great drama, The Impossible Education of Calder. My husband and I have decided to homeschool--but how? Could I do it? Is it the best for him? Thank goodness for her voice of reason through my anxieties. And, she expressed her wish for someone to start an online presence for Georgia parents of exceptionally gifted children. While I seem on most days an unlikely blogger on the subject, I accepted the job.
So fellow parents of toddlers reading chapter books, of children who prefer algebra to Thomas the Tank Engine, of wee ones with musical and artistic abilities of a master--welcome! Our children come in so many wondrous varieties, with special challenges and needs. It is my hope that this blog will connect us together and provide a place to share and hopefully inspire. I have vague ideas about how this blog will evolve--but for now I'm just jumping right in!
Thank you for stopping by! Please leave a comment and let me know that you were here.
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Outside of being completely adorable and precious in my mind, my children are in no way shape or form "gifted" in the terms you have described....however, I'm excited about the developement of this community network.
ReplyDeleteHopefully this forum will provide the outlet needed to establish the "needing a village to raise a child" mentality.
GOOD LUCK!
Thank you for saying so eloquently what so many of us feel. As someone who is a little further down the line (my children are 13 and 11), I am impressed with how early you have found and embraced your child's gift. We were still trying to "fit in" at that stage.
ReplyDeleteWow...can we ever relate to everything you shared! Thank you for starting this blog as a way to bring us together. My children are 11 and 8 and we've been homeschooling for two years. I had never known anything other than a public school environment and was scared to death to begin our h/s experience. I jumped in and have found it to be an awesome journey. You can do it!!!
ReplyDeleteI also have a very bright child. It was always on my heart to homeschool, before I even knew what would lie ahead. I, like you knew early she was advanced. Like you have mentioned I still have a hard time saying she's "gifted". Before I started "officially" homeschooling last school year, I had her tested. She would have been placed in kindergarten in public school, but I was planning on starting 1st grade. After a few weeks of testing, her results placed her academically in grade 1.5 and she had an IQ of 139. She was 5 1/2 at that time. She will begin 2nd grade on Monday at age 6 and already I will have to skip several lessons because she is well beyond the work. She excels in math and basically taught herself how to multiply and divide. There has been nothing I have presented to her that she hasn't absorbed and retained yet. My greatest fear is that I will "hold" her back and not be able to tap into all of her potential. I still will not verbally say she is "gifted", so I don't know if I'm denying it or not accepting it. Well, thank you so much for starting this blog. I have been on many gifted websites and usually just get lost in all the confusion, so it's nice to just be able to talk. Take care and I will definitely be checking back in.
ReplyDeleteHi, thanks for doing this blog. I live in Covington, GA (formerly Alpharetta for many years) and have two kids who've tested "exceptionally gifted," but they're more into make-believe than reality right now. Madison, age 7, is twice exceptional, has dyslexia. She's very creative and loves games of imagination. Matthew, almost 10, is obsessed with a PC-based strategy game called Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds. I'm homeschooling him this year, as he became anxious and lonely in public school last year. My husband, Tim Jeffreys, and I are looking for parents of other highly gifted kids to plan social outings and field trips with, in metro-Atlanta. Any interest? My email is robin_k_johnson@yahoo.com or jeffjohnmattmadd@gmail.com.
ReplyDeleteAs others have stated, thank you for so eloquently putting into words what we have lived with thus far. Having a gifted child is indeed something not easily discussed with other parents or even with educators. Our 5.5yo son will start Kindergarten in one week, and while we hope that we have chosen the best school for him and his abilities, we also acknowledge that we are taking this one semester at a time. It will be wonderful to find others walking this path, whether ahead of us or just with us on the journey!
ReplyDeleteWow – this blog is a relief. I embarrassed myself so often, early on, trying to converse with other moms about my children without knowing how great a difference there was from the listening mom's children to my own. Sharing comments on my children’s accomplishments and struggles with other mom's usually left me feeling uncomfortable. I wanted to compare notes - get ideas for handling situations - but was treated like I was bragging or even insulting their children. Trying to share my concerns about my daughter’s development with her pediatrician was unenlightening as well. I would get comments like “all children develop at their own pace”, and “it all evens out by kindergarten”, etc. My kids never evened out. I have a 9 year daughter (almost 10) old and a 5 year old son. Until my daughter was 7, I didn’t know what was wrong with her. Her dad and I, having read a list of symptoms, figured she must have ADHD , but didn’t want her diagnosed or labeled with it. She was speaking full sentences at 9 months – but at 4 had to be put back in diapers. Many told me it was because of the attention her newborn brother was getting. Everyone I talked to about it made it seem like somehow I was to blame and I should be better able to control such willful behavior. “Take her to the bathroom every 20 minutes” or “don’t let her wear underwear” . . .Lots of advice but no understanding. I talked to everyone I thought could help me understand why my daughter, who pretty much taught herself to read at 3, was unable to control her bladder at 6. BTW – it doesn’t all even out by kindergarten. When my daughter was 7 years of age, a teacher, with 20 years experience, told me, as I unhappily withdrew her from another failed educational situation, that she had never taught a child with my daughter’s abilities and I owed it to her to get her tested. I was confused, she seems so upbeat about it, and asked “tested for what?” expecting her to say ADHD. When she said “giftedness”, I knew - of course that’s what it was - I just didn’t know it was a diagnosable condition that could be treated. I took her to Dr. Newman – she tested her and sure enough, that was the diagnosis. I followed the treatment plan – provide a more rigorous, challenging education – get an understanding of and acceptance of “asynchronous” development – and enjoy their differences – it can be as much fun as it is difficult. Now, with this blog, I’ll have a place to come – where I can share humor that someone will possibly understand, and my frustrations with people who just can’t . I’ll write later about my boy, but suffice it to say, even my best friend was forced to tell me, when he was only 13 mos. old, that she just couldn’t watch him for me – there was no telling what he would do next.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm letting out a sigh of relief! It feels so good to know that there are other parents like me here in GA. While it is easy to find others online with the same experience, it is hopeful to know that we may be in close proximity.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU, THANK YOU for everyone's comments here. I am excited! I hope you all will return and be involved. :)
More about my journey. Let’s start at the very beginning. BH (Husband) is also brilliant and receives all my joking jabs about these “unusual kids” being “all his fault”. I am a 50 year old stay at home mom caring for my two little B's BD (Daughter) and BS (son). You see, I married BH at 36, after I had given up any hope of a "normal" life. I was actually content knowing that the closest I would ever have get to kids would be during holiday meals at my sister’s homes where I got to be the crazy, old maid, Aunt to my 10 nieces and nephews. Fast forward to work one day, when the powers that be sent up a programmer (from the 4th floor to the 7th) to help me with a project I had suggested. The man actually wrote a solid program – one that did what it was supposed to and didn’t break no matter how faulty the data was that it was feed. I was intrigued. I had a bad reputation with the programmers I later found out and he was the only one willing to work with me. I guess I didn’t suffer fools silently enough for their tastes. Well, it took us 3 years to marry and 4 more years to actually give birth (my troubles with carrying a child to term is a story for an infertility blog). I was 40 when BD was born and my whole world changed. My mom came to help me for the first 2 weeks. We were all instantly in love. BD would just stare right at your face and then find your eyes and look right into them with her head to the side as if she was questioning you. She almost never cried but would coo and hold her mouth open when she was hungry. She was easy to communicate with. I remember my mom bringing BD upstairs when she was 4 days old and putting her face down on my bed and telling me to watch this. BD put her arm straight down against the bed and flipped herself on to her back. My mom (a nurse) said this was a milestone and usually not accomplished by babies for 3 or 4 months. Clueless as to what this meant, I picked BD up and said well obviously she doesn’t like being on her tummy. So much for my parenting skills. If only I had known what was in store.
ReplyDeleteA few months later I broke a finger on my right hand and sprained my left wrist and needed help. My sister agreed to take care of BD while I had surgery to put a pin in my broken finger. I remember when she brought BD back to me, her amazement with the ease of communication she had with a 4.5 month old. She had 4 kids of her own, so I should have realized this meant something, but I was used to BD, she was the only tiny baby I had ever taken care of and I still thought that they must all be like this.
At 5 months we went camping and took a side trip to Ruby Falls. I remember taking an elevator down to a cavern in a deep cave. BH kept patting the walls and saying rock – taking BD’s hand and putting it on the wall and saying rock. He did this for the entire 40 minute tour until I was about to lose my mind with it. It was obvious to me that my 5 month old wasn’t going to say “rock”, she was only just starting experimentation with making sounds. Well, as we were waiting to board the elevator back up, BD looks at daddy and says clear as a bell “rock”. I just groaned, now that she had proven him right I would never hear the end of it. Did it occur to me this was amazing? Nope.
More Later.
Beautiful artwork! I'm sure you will be successful selling it when you have time to pursue it. I'm getting an MFA in creative nonfiction writing (a mid-life career change) and also find it hard to juggle my own creative aspirations with momhood. I thought things were getting easier until the past year, when Maddie's dyslexia and Matt's anxiety and educational needs demanded my full attention. I originally attended MIT, so I expected my kids to find academics easy and not to need much involvement from me. It's the sensitivity and other issues that have surprised me. Sure, I was sensitive and anxious as a kid, but it was a middle-class 1970's household, so I sucked it up and covered it up like everybody else, and waited until I was in my thirties to do therapy! Thanks again for the blog, and to the other responders!
ReplyDeleteWow...we are going to make a community here aren't we? I am mom to a gifted 6 year old girl. Hers was the first diaper I ever changed, so, like some of the other parents with no prior experience, I assumed all kids were like her. Sure, I thought she was bright and had a large vocabulary and seemed to notice and remember *everything*, but didn't think too much about it. It was only after kindergarten started that her teacher started to tell me that she was surprised by what she knew and what she could do. We decided to have her tested (with Dr. Newman), to help us determine what to do with her schooling. She is 6 now and in 2nd grade, with a certified gifted teacher and a special gifted pull out too. Eventually, we will probably bite the bullet and find a private school for her, but the public school is accommodating us for now. I look forward to being part of this community!
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